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Dans son nouveau livre "What Do You Want from Me?: learning to get along with in-laws", la psychologue britannique Terri Apter qui a mené une étude sur les relations entre épouses et belles-mères, prétend que les femmes sont "programmées" pour ne pas aimer leurs belles-mères!
Dr Terri Apter said wives programmed not to like mother-in-laws
IT IS the butt of jokes at dinner tables, the source of arguments at family gatherings and has even been grounds for divorce.
Now, the reason behind the age-old problem of feuding between mothers-in-law and their son's wife has been answered - wives are programmed to dislike their partner's mum.
In a new book just arrived in Australia, Dr Terri Apter suggested that even if a wife or girlfriend wanted to like her in-law, she already had an expectation they wouldn't get along.
But Australian experts believe men are to blame.
Relationships Australia NSW chief executive officer Anne Hollonds said men needed to take charge.
"It can be a great source of conflict and part of the problem sometimes stems from issues between the mother and son. The (issues) have not been resolved when he starts a new relationship," she said.
"Instead of the husband sorting out the relationship with the mother and his wife, he will stand aside and let the women fight it out."
More than 200 people, including 49 couples, were interviewed for Dr Apter's book. Almost two-thirds of women complained they had suffered long-term stress because of friction with their husband's mother.
Just like in the film Monster In Law most mothers-in-law felt they were being excluded from their son's life.
Dr Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge in the UK, said both women assumed that each was undermining the other.
"This mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female stereotypes that few of us manage to shake off completely,'' she said.
"Both mother and wife are struggling to achieve the same position in the family - primary woman.''
Putting an end to the family feuds can be easy if husbands defined each woman's role.
"I think as mothers-in-law stay in the work force longer (and) have a life of their own they are not so interested in worrying about their son's life,''
University of South Australia Professor Alison Mackinnon said.
Exceptions to the rule are those daughters-in-law like Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston, who still reportedly gets along with her ex-husband Brad Pitt's mother.
Mother-in-law Lyn Horan believes the trick to getting along is to treat everyone equally.
She described her relationship with her daughter-in-law Renee Hall as like "mother and daughter".
"We have got along since she first met my son Michael more than 15 years ago," Mrs Horan, of Richmond, said. "I don't think you need to meddle. I go to Renee sometimes for advice and she comes to me."
source : The Daily Telegraph
Dr Terri Apter said wives programmed not to like mother-in-laws
IT IS the butt of jokes at dinner tables, the source of arguments at family gatherings and has even been grounds for divorce.
Now, the reason behind the age-old problem of feuding between mothers-in-law and their son's wife has been answered - wives are programmed to dislike their partner's mum.
In a new book just arrived in Australia, Dr Terri Apter suggested that even if a wife or girlfriend wanted to like her in-law, she already had an expectation they wouldn't get along.
But Australian experts believe men are to blame.
Relationships Australia NSW chief executive officer Anne Hollonds said men needed to take charge.
"It can be a great source of conflict and part of the problem sometimes stems from issues between the mother and son. The (issues) have not been resolved when he starts a new relationship," she said.
"Instead of the husband sorting out the relationship with the mother and his wife, he will stand aside and let the women fight it out."
More than 200 people, including 49 couples, were interviewed for Dr Apter's book. Almost two-thirds of women complained they had suffered long-term stress because of friction with their husband's mother.
Just like in the film Monster In Law most mothers-in-law felt they were being excluded from their son's life.
Dr Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge in the UK, said both women assumed that each was undermining the other.
"This mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female stereotypes that few of us manage to shake off completely,'' she said.
"Both mother and wife are struggling to achieve the same position in the family - primary woman.''
Putting an end to the family feuds can be easy if husbands defined each woman's role.
"I think as mothers-in-law stay in the work force longer (and) have a life of their own they are not so interested in worrying about their son's life,''
University of South Australia Professor Alison Mackinnon said.
Exceptions to the rule are those daughters-in-law like Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston, who still reportedly gets along with her ex-husband Brad Pitt's mother.
Mother-in-law Lyn Horan believes the trick to getting along is to treat everyone equally.
She described her relationship with her daughter-in-law Renee Hall as like "mother and daughter".
"We have got along since she first met my son Michael more than 15 years ago," Mrs Horan, of Richmond, said. "I don't think you need to meddle. I go to Renee sometimes for advice and she comes to me."
source : The Daily Telegraph
...et elle m'adorait autant que ses fils...je ne sais pas pourquoi...et bizarement avec ma mere aussi,
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